Body Soiree

We must learn how to live in the space of inner peace in our everyday lives. This takes consistent, conscious effort because I know so many black women are hurting and sad, and we don't easily express our heartache or show our wounds.  Susan L. Taylor I have peace. I told a total stranger on Twitter that I was going to write about how to have inner - peace. Because getting it isn't easy. It takes work! It takes dedication and a willingness to walk away from anything and anyone that will not take your peace seriously. The question is always "How do I gain and keep my peace?" But the real question is: What are you willing to do to get peace? Seriously! Who and what are you willing to give up to have peace? I can only speak as a Black Woman. It's who I am. And what I know is that as  African-Americans we have been inundated with trauma. Day after day, story after story, through film, books, etc. trauma is disseminated and consumed. Trauma, in regards t...

"Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds!"   Marcus Garvey Colorism Colorism is seen around the World. African-American's aren't the creators of this sickness, but some of us are willing participants in the spreading of this illness, so there's that. I can only write about this from the standpoint of an African-American Woman...it's what I am.  I won't get into how colorism began, that's too long a history. Nor will I discuss who helps this sickness along. Why? Because they are sick! And I won't give them any attention on my, small that it may be, platform. This Blog is a loving preventative! not a finger pointer. I love being Black. I always have. I, like most African-Americans, come from a family that is diverse in our "shading." Meaning we have the very, very light to the very, very dark on both sides, paternal and maternal. It wasn't a "thing" in my families. We, a...

"A Man never knows how to say goodbye; a Woman never knows when to say it." My Mama always said that "Women know when we know." And I would ask "Know what?" and she would respond with "Everything." I didn't understand then. I didn't understand a woman's intuition, long-suffering or staying power. The time and love investments we make is phenomenal. Sometimes to our own detriment no doubt. But guilt and regret are wasteful emotions, so we won't go there. I want to focus on our ability as women, my apologies, upper case W please! Our ability as Women to hold it together when the house is burning down around our ears. I want to talk about how we will stay, even when we knew we should have left years ago and threw all manner of red flags out there, and tried to "fix" broken relationships. I want to talk about how we will laugh when we really want to throw ourselves on the floor and have an old-fashioned crying fit. But we...

In the present environment with all of the sexual harassment and sexual assault cases flying about, I decided to write this. Some people would say that sexual harassment is the same for all. It isn't! But after reading or listening to some of these stories; the one thing most of us do have in common is the silence after we have been harassed/assaulted. I remember being hemmed up in a stairwell, fighting this "man" who was bound and determined to rip my pants off. A co-worker he was married with children. We both worked third shift. I was on break and decided to take the stairs that led downstairs to the vending machines. He followed. Anyone who has ever had to fight to not be assaulted knows the terror and adrenaline that is running through your body when this happens. Fight or flight has totally kicked in, and you are incredulous that it is happening to you. Since that long ago time I have been accosted either verbally or physically again and again. I use to ask myself ...

The greatest love of all is the love you feel for yourself. How many times have we all heard this? There have even been songs written. But how many feel it? My Mama used to say: "If you can't love yourself, you won't and can't love anyone else." It took me some years and mistakes to figure out that that Lady was right(I'm still mad about that!)  I am not discussing the vapid love of self; that outer self. This is the love of all of You. Those bad moods, weird, random thoughts that crack you up, those big hips that "Beauty" magazines tell you aren't right and that nose! Do you love it all? Are you comfortable just sitting and being with yourself? With no criticism? Love is: Waking up in the morning, looking in the mirror and loving all that you see; bags and all. Love is: Knowing when you have made mistakes, owning them , so that you can move on. Love is: Asking those that you have hurt for forgiveness, so that you can forgive yoursel...

I say something to my Personal Training clients that I always said to myself and still do: "Don't make this whole weight loss thing bigger than what it is(excuse the pun). In fact, don't make most things going on in your life bigger than you! Put everything that is going on in your life in the correct place and order; from the issues that are out of your control to what can be done right now to make your life better. No one can tell you what is the most important issue, because what might be a problem for me, might seem like a non-issue to you, and this is why you have to sit quietly and go over your priority list. I try not to say write a "Problem List" I use the word priority instead; it is way more positive and why turn it negative if we don't have to? So, sit and write your priority list, once you have finished, look and see what is number 1, is it your health?  9 out of 10 times, for most of us, it isn't. The list usually goes like this: 1. Pay car/h...

I had a hard time letting go. People, things with any type of sentimental attachment, etc. It was the idea that I had abandoned someone that I couldn't shake. What if they might need me? What if they are left alone and something bad happens to them? What if all they need is just one more chance to act right and I leave? Then what?! I am writing about this because just last night, as I was cleaning out my backpack, a note from years ago dropped out of my agenda. It was a note written by an ex-fiance listing all of the reasons he loved me. This note was written over seven years ago... why do I still have it? I thought I had become this person who every six months cleans house, literally and figuratively. Clothes, shoes, linens, people, I clean house, but I guess old habits die hard and for some reason I kept this list and then promptly put it away and purposely forgot it.  Did I need validation? I was a good Woman to him, he was a donkey( did you know some donkey's walk and talk...

"Learn to love yourself, so that you may focus on loving another." Anon I love a good quote and this is one of many that I love. Why? It is so true. How many of us, man or woman, have tried and failed at relationships because we had no self-love? my hand is up and waving! If you think about it, it makes perfect sense, we just don't like to own it. I also dislike the fact that my mother used to say this to me a lot "If you can't love yourself, you can't love anyone else." Quote, end quote. Okay, so she was right..kinda. I know what you are saying, " I have loved plenty of people and maybe not have cared for myself all that much" and I will agree, so did I, but did it last? I can only speak for myself, no, none of the relationship's lasted, because I didn't have a good relationship with me. The key word in the quote above is Focus. We, as women, tend to focus more on others: children, men, job, education, etc. than ourselves. Everythin...

This is a true story. Names have been changed to protect the innocent... and the not so innocent.  On Mothers Day I received a text from someone I used to date. Not anything special, just a "Have a happy Mother's Day" and wishing me well.  I didn't think much of it, until I started getting responses from unidentified numbers.  I just assumed that these women were relatives of his. No problem. Two days later, I receive a text from an unidentified number, again! Asking the question " Are you at work?" by the "tone" I knew this was an intimate question and I most certainly knew it wasn't meant for me. The response, when it came, was "Yeah, what's going on?" Sounds innocent enough, right? Well obviously by all of the irate responses to this most innocent text, a lot of the ladies on that thread from Mothers Day didn't think so! Mr. "think things through" Mr. TTT for short, had created and sent a text thread to all of his...