Body Soiree

"We need never be ashamed of our tears." Charles Dickens Growing up I was made to feel ashamed of my tears. Often called 'dramatic' or the Black Marilyn Monroe, I took to hiding my tears. As a kid this is a really hard thing to do! Children are or should be so much more connected to their feelings than adults. But when you are told to stop crying, even when you feel hurt or your feelings are minimized and mocked, you build interior and exterior walls. You might even start discounting or second guessing your own feelings. If you are doing this to yourself, I am here to tell you that you have the right to feel...everything!  Have a heart that never hardens... Charles Dickens I used to date a man that was uncomfortable with my tears. If and when I would cry, he would leave the room. No soft touch he would give me or a reassuring word. He would just... leave. It would only make me cry harder. I learned to hide my tears or sadness to please him, just like my child...

No one, when I was a kid, ever called depression, depression. Did we even know that word existed in the eighties?  It was referred to as "being blue" or "having a case of the blues." I didn't know that word, depression, until I got older and it became the "it" word for everything. Oh, he isn't talking today, he must be depressed! She has been a bit standoffish and quiet; must be depression! Regular folks became mini psychiatrists and got on everyone's nerves with their two bit analysis of your bad day or week. I can only speak from my truth, which I always try to do and it is not easy. Why? Because you don't want people to know when you are in a depression. How can you explain what you are feeling? I almost feel ashamed, being my worst judge and critic, as if I caused it in some way. How can I speak about positive thinking, exercising and being emotionally and spiritually healthy when I am struggling just getting out of my bed? I went again...