A Little Blue

No one, when I was a kid, ever called depression, depression. Did we even know that word existed in the eighties?  It was referred to as "being blue" or "having a case of the blues." I didn't know that word, depression, until I got older and it became the "it" word for everything. Oh, he isn't talking today, he must be depressed! She has been a bit standoffish and quiet; must be depression! Regular folks became mini psychiatrists and got on everyone's nerves with their two bit analysis of your bad day or week. I can only speak from my truth, which I always try to do and it is not easy. Why? Because you don't want people to know when you are in a depression. How can you explain what you are feeling? I almost feel ashamed, being my worst judge and critic, as if I caused it in some way. How can I speak about positive thinking, exercising and being emotionally and spiritually healthy when I am struggling just getting out of my bed? I went against my own rules folks and went on auto-pilot; don't feel, just do. Don't think, smile and just move. Insulate and close in and up and maybe IT will all go away? As we all know, IT doesn't go away until you deal! I have dealt ( one way or another) with this my whole life. It was wonderful, when I understood what I was dealing with, to have a name for it: minor depression. It was also wonderful to learn coping skills, the most that was given to me growing up was: "Get over it!" "YOU are too sensitive!" or, and my personal favorite, "You are too moody and are making everyone else uncomfortable." When you get help, and there is no shame in that, and learn coping skills and how to deal with yourself, what was said to you as a kid won't hold much weight anymore. You realize that relatives, most of them, meant well. They just didn't have the skills or the words to help you and that is not your issue. Let it go. Like I said before, I went against my own rules and didn't deal with the issues at hand, as if I don't know who I am. Forgive me, I had to once again face my humanness and what it means to be human. There will be days where we won't get IT right, where we will struggle with others and ourselves, when our frailty will seem to have overcome us and we will need a much needed mental health day. Don't panic! roll with it. Deal with yourself, kindly, with respect and without fear. Wishing you Love and Peace, and I so mean peace!